I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
