i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
