He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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