I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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