I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
