just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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