Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
