new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do herpes really smell.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
