Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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