I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
