She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
