Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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