so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
