craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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