addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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