her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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