Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
