You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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