Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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