i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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