Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
