I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
