On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
