WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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