We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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