I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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