my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
