I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize