found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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