Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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