no, he came in my armpit
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
