I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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