question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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