Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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