if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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