So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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