I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
