that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You smell like stripper and shame
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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