I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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