this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
