You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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