I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy