i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper