Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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