Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
