How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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