I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
