Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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