I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
