You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
