I am puke
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
