true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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