I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
