GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
