Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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