You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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