Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
