After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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